Excerpt from Chapter Six

*****CHAPTER NUMBER SIX- RULE NUMBER FOUR******

Seek Those Who Have Gone on Before

It’s dark and you are alone. You walk forward, knowing you can’t go back and you can’t stop. You reach the edge of an over-grown forest. You are afraid but there is something pushing you to go on, to complete what you have started. You cautiously move into the brush. You are afraid and you don’t know which way to go or what to do. By chance, you bump into a middle aged woman. She smiles and says, “First time here, huh?” You nod and wonder who this woman is. She seems to have a sense of where she is going. She can tell that you are contemplating her. She smiles again. “Yeah, I’ve been through here before. In fact, I live here. If you want, I can show to a clearing where there is good light and berries we can pick for dinner.” You wonder why she doesn’t offer to show you the way out, but finding no better alternative, you nod and follow her to the clearing. In the middle of the clearing there is a fire and several women gathered around it. You can hear people stumbling about in the dark forest and you can see women sitting off away from the group, cold and sad. You decide that the best option is to gather around the fire and enjoy the company of the other women. As the night goes on, the women start to share with you their experiences in the forest. Some are happy and seem to point to the way out of the forest. Some are sad and you can tell that they were setbacks for the women. It is now that you realize you are not leaving the forest. This forest will be your home forever. You wonder why some of the women are still wandering in the forest, going it alone, when there is warmth and friendship so near by. You wonder what makes some of the women stay in the shadows, unwilling to join the group even though they know it exists. It is here that your learning of life in the forest starts and here that you begin to learn how to flourish in this new environment that was thrust on you.
You will find that your foray into the complicated, confusing and often emotional life in the world of exceptional kids will be frightening. You will feel like you are in the dark. There is no way that you can magically know how to parent a child with exceptions. However, there are those that have gone on before you that have learned from trial and error, research, services offered, and those who went on before them. It really is a beautiful system.
There will be many things that prevent you from seeking help and advice from others. Pride is Public Offender Number ONE! Do not allow your pride to get in the way of your learning. We all instinctively seem to know what is best for out kids. But, if I asked you to make a decision critical to the success of a mission to the moon, something tells me you would rely on more than instinct. There is a beautiful blend of Mommy Gut and education that makes a SuperMom to exceptional kids. Never be too proud to seek help from others.
Access to information may be a barrier to some moms. There are so many different resources in our society these days. You have early intervention services in every state that are required by law to help you and your exceptional child once an evaluation demonstrates need. There is the internet that has countless forums, support groups and boards where you can meet and chat with other parents that are facing the same or similar challenges that you are. At two different times in my life I have used different online parent groups to gather information and find support. How useful are the experiences of others who have been where you are now! And the simple beauty of the system is that at some point, you will become that wizened one, sharing tips and advice to those who are just starting out. The system perpetuates its self.
Shyness and other personality traits may prevent you from seeking help and information from others. May I present the idea that anyone of us would walk through fire for our kids. Sometimes small and simple things seem harder than a grandiose gesture. But it is often in the small and simple things that we effect the greatest change! Start with baby steps and work up to the face to face meetings or other things that may seem more intimidating!